Every Tuesday morning I go through my usual routine… protein shake, coffee, youtube… but Tuesday mornings are particuarly more difficult because I am coming off my weekend and I can’t help but imagine a day where I won’t ever have to go back.

I am grateful for my job and the insurance benefits it provides but it is wearing on me that I spend 40 hours a week at a place I don’t want to be. That is a lot of hours of my life each week that I don’t enjoy.

I am aware that the grass always seems greener. That no matter what I was doing for work it might seem shitty… but I didn’t always feel this way towards my work. It has changed a lot since last year and it feels as though the heart of the company has gone cold. It is all about money lately. So many of the employees that have been there for years have left. Out of all my friends that worked there, I am the only one left.

It is hard working for a company you feel doesn’t care about anything but money. I pride myself in my work. I am a hard worker no matter what but mentally, it is beginning to wear on me.

Food has been one of my biggest passions in life. I began to wonder if my passion was dead but I am feeling more and more that it isn’t dead, I am just needing a change of scenery and more freedom to create. Creating was one of the best things about cooking for me.

I am 105 days away from surgery. 105 days away from a 12 week break from work. Part of me is scared that I will lose my job if I have complications that don’t allow me to go back to work after 12 weeks. ( We only get a total of 12 weeks medical leave until they won’t hold your job for you anymore ). But another part of me feels ready to deal with that and move on. The only thing that has me worried is that I will lose my health insurance. If I can think of a way around this… I will be okay with moving on, but I am not sure how I would handle this.

I am currently training to be a personal trainer but finding the time to study right now seems impossible. I wanted to be certified before surgery, but I might have to let go of that idea and use my down time to study for my test. Life doesn’t always work out how you wanted I suppose.

I am tired of spending so much of my time doing something that sucks the life out of me. This needs to change.


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