I stayed home sick today with the flu. In the food world.. this means I don’t want to go to work and if I say I am throwing up… then by law, you can’t make me.
I’ve had a lot on my mind this last week. Donald Trump only being one of the many things running through my mind, and living with parents who voted for him.
Currently I am single. Mostly by choice… I would like to belive that at least, but I can’t help but realize and acknowledge that not a day in the past 3 years has gone by that I haven’t thought about my first girlfriend. Sometimes I feel like I should not be thinking of her at all anymore, but so many things remind me of her on a daily basis. Songs, locations, movies, seasons. etc.
Maybe I think of her so much because I never got any closure. She persued me, told me she loved me, and she was my first sexual experience with a woman. She loved me until she didn’t, and then I never saw her again. ( it is a pretty long story ) I guess it makes more sense that I still get a bit caught up on her. It hurts to think that there is still not a day that passes that I think of her, and she probably never thinks of me at all.
I think she is probably one of the biggest reasons I am currently single. I am afraid to get hurt again. A girl I dated about 2 years ago also hurt me pretty bad. I tend to get hurt bad by the girls who tend to keep their distance, and then I tend to push away other girls who actually like me.
I don’t know what my issue is. All I know is that my first girlfriend fucked me up for a really long time. I still love her, I still think about her and wonder what her life looks like now. I guess if I am honest I do also wonder if she ever thinks about me. Probably not, but hey I can dream.
Hopefully I will find mutual love someday.