I am officially less than 6 months away from phalloplasty. Crazy to think that in just a week or so I will no longer being saying I am having bottom surgery next year. It is nearly 2017 and surgery will be within the same year!
I am nervous about having complications… but I am getting more and more excited about being more complete, and feeling even more comfortable in my body. I am having RFF phalloplasty so the arm scar was something that was really getting to me… but now that I have had enough electrolysis sesssions, my arm already looks a bit funny with half of the hair removed and it is like I just try to picture my arm as though it already has a scar. I have seen a lot of guys with scars lately… so perhaps I have just become desensitized to it? Or maybe I just don’t care so much about anymore because I will finally have my penis.
Of course I am still dreading the recovery process but I am trying to stay positive and think of things I can do in my down time. One of those things being writing. I feel as though I never have enough time for it anymore but I will have much more time during recovery!
One thing that I am struggling with though is how open I want to be about the surgery. As the date gets closer and closer I am finding it hard to know what I will say to my co-workers. This is a pretty personal and vulnerable surgery pertaining to my genitals. I don’t know how much I want to reveal but at the same time I am excited and kind of wish people could understand! I am also unsure about what I will say about coming back to work with my scar. I will probably be wearing a sleeve to protect it for awhile but I am sure people will start to wonder why I am even wearing a sleeve.
Oh anxiety. I wish I didn’t think so much about the little things.