Holding on to hope has felt like one of the biggest tasks this weekend. Usually I am pretty good about knowing I am going to get through something, looking on the bright side and making goals… but being so overwhemlmed made hope and any sort of plans just one big blur. I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I have phalloplasty scheduled for June 13th 2017 which is 217 days away now. It still seems so far off that I am afraid I won’t make it. I am afraid I won’t be able to stand my job for that much longer, or stand living here that much longer.

I can only hope that things improve in both areas but I am unsure. It is hard for me to think about getting my hopes up for surgery and then have something go wrong. I hope that isn’t the case but of course, my anxiety gets the best of me.

On the bright side, my anxiety about the surgery has greatly decreased. I was afraid of the scar or complications but now I am really looking forward to feeling more complete.

I can do this, I will make it.


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